The word small talk can mean different things to different people. It may be an ice breaker for you to start with before jumping on the main business. It is generally directed as a mind throw-away talk that you can have on a coffee counter or office elevator, like talking about the weather, etc. The truth is that most people find it difficult and artificial, yet they try to comply with it daily. Some people are really smooth when it comes to making small talks. They always have something up their sleeves and can potentially strike up a conversation with anyone in any situation, any time. For most people, small talk is like a burning disaster. Even if they are put in the same room with people, they are keen to speak, and they will struggle to utter the right words from their mouths.
In my opinion and strictly from experience, small talk is a great way to make new connections with people and unfurl opportunities. As a matter of fact, it is a learnable skill and can be of immense help in your social life at university or in the office. In the article below, we will try and explore more about small talk. Learning how to pick up and participate in one of such conversations.
What is a Small Talk?
Bronislaw Malinowski, a Polish anthropologist, was the first to study small talk back in 1923. He defined small talk as “purposeless expressions of preference or aversion, accounts of irrelevant happenings, [and] comments on what is perfectly obvious.” If I paraphrase it in easier words, speaking to become sociable, rather than communicating any information. In the present context, it is a commonly used way to initiate a conversation. It is more commonly used when either or both parties are not very well acquainted with one another. It is even more common at networking and social events.
Benefits of small talk
Small talk does not always have to be an idle Chitchat session. Even if it is, there are some indirect as well direct benefits that we will explore below. As a matter of fact, some studies substantiate the idea that small talk can potentially increase your job satisfaction and can also feed into your overall happiness.
1. You stay at the top of the head
When you make small talks or exchange pleasantries with someone at work. You, in a way, are leaving your impression in their mind. In a work setting, it can be quite beneficial. When someone puts a team together for a project, it will be very less likely that you will be missed or overlooked. It means that if you make constant pleasant small talk with people, you automatically occupy a sweet spot in people’s memory.
Obviously, how you do your job and how effective you are will take priority over other things. But, it is something that is commonly observed in an office setting. Those people gravitate towards others who are not just effective but also easy to work with. The better you are at having good small talks, the better you will be remembered by people. Therefore, small talk can bring opportunities from the future.
2. Cooperation
As Harari likes to put it, Human Beings have been dominating the planet earth for the longest time because of our ability to cooperate in large numbers. Cooperation generally takes place when people feel that they are a part of a team. It is our social network in the real as well virtual space that grease the gear of cooperation. For example, when you briefly talk to people about something outside work. It helps to build a strong bond with the other person. Not just that, it becomes much easier to make goal-directed conversation and make requests flow smoothly.
3. Find Common Grounds
Making small often takes open doors to vast opportunities unknowingly. It enables you to know what the other person knows and know what the other person doesn’t know. Most of the sentences we speak involve both the new piece of information and the old piece of information. For example, when you say Serena got a new car. You are assuming that the other person is aware of who Serena is. To know what you have in common with the other person. Recognizing common interest towards things in general, common groups, and knowledge of mutual friends.
4. Soft start to a long conversation
Small talk can often be used to begin a long and serious conversation. It is a soft way to start something serious. You do not actually have to put a lot of your brain into this part conversation. It is there to make a positive connection. It also lays down a strong foundation for real conversation.
Small can be of special significance on many occasions, especially when we are meeting someone new. It is your chance actually to make a good impression. It is popularly known that people take just seconds to judge others. Researches suggest that we need to impart trust and respect in our first interaction if we want to make a great impression.
5. You get to know if it is worth your time
Since we have established that our small talk is a great way to create a good impression on others. It is also helpful for you to judge if the person you are talking to is really worth your time. It enables you to answer some fundamental questions. Do we feel comfortable enough to carry on the conversation? Is the person we are talking to shows any interest or not?
People who can’t stop talking about themselves are the people who tend to be perennially self-absorbed, and we may want to decide if we really want to take the conversation further.
Meaningful ways/ tips to make small talk
1. Try and make the other person feel at ease
Suppose you are confused about how you can start the conversation. You can always begin by making the other person feel at ease. Try and make their day a little brighter. Show that you are genuinely interested in them. You can always compliment, and if there is a scope, tell them how grateful you are to know them in the first place. This, to the least, will bring a smile to their face.
2. Make eye contact
It is nearly impossible to make a conversation with someone who is looking here and there, studying something else, looking at a computer screen, or looking out of the window. You have no idea whether the person is attentive at all or not. If it is a child, you can straightaway demand their attention and ask them to look into your eyes when talking to them. You can not do so when you are with your partner or colleague.
This is considered a basic etiquette in most cultures, yet many people do not practice it. You still can talk from a distance. You do not have to be close if it is a short conversation that you are having. If the conversation gets stretched, then one of you will need to get up and move closer. You should have the courtesy to turn and face the person who is trying to talk to you. However, certain impediments can hold you back, like shyness, guilt, uncertainties, some taboos, and cultural differences.
3. Keep an open mind
A lot of people fail terribly in keeping their minds open. You need to listen to the other person without passing any judgment whatsoever. Not criticizing them (even mentally) when they are sharing something with you. If you feel alarmed, do not show it right away. If you indulge in it, you most certainly are compromising your effectiveness as an active listener.
Secondly, listen but do not jump to a conclusion. Often, people struggle to communicate exactly what they have in their heads while they speak. You will never know what is in the mind of the people you talk to, and there is just one way, i.e., listening.
Lastly, do not try and finish other people’s sentences. It isn’t polite if you do it repeatedly. People think at their own pace and speak accordingly. If you hastily finish other people’s sentences, it will accomplish absolutely nothing except throwing them off.
2. Listen Carefully
The ability to be a good recipient is better than being able to deliver good communication. It is important to listen to the voice and the tone, body language, etc. If you can read the other person’s feelings, you are likely to reflect and communicate better. When people feel that they are heard, they feel way more comfortable, and they themselves open up to hear what you have to say. Another important tip is to reflect when you are listening to someone, and it is not just a confirmation that you are hearing them, but it makes them feel good.
As a matter of fact, most people do not even know the difference between hearing and listening. We think that we are listening as far as we can understand the meaning of the thing the other person is saying. That’s not true. Listening is much broader than hearing. It about comprehending what the other person is saying, reflecting on the intent, and giving due diligence to the communication’s non-verbal cues.
3. Use neutral words
When you ask leading questions like, “How did you like the great game by Sachin?” It is futile to ask this. The aforementioned question clearly reflects that you want to listen to good things about Sachin and that itself defeats the idea of effective questioning. It is much more considerate if you ask, “How did you like the gameplay by Sachin?” This will elicit a much accurate response from the respondent.
4. Wait for the right time to ask a follow-up
Again it is obvious, but you do not see people practicing it a lot. It is totally fine not to understand what the speaker is saying, and it is a great idea to ask a question about it. The catch here is that you do not interrupt right when the speaker is in the middle of a sentence. A civilized way of interrupting is to wait until the speaker takes a pause or ask you if you have any doubt. Then you may ask or say, “I didn’t understand what you said a couple of seconds back about… If you could expand on it a little.”
5. Questions should be asked just to ensure clarity and understanding
As I mentioned before, questioning is a great tool of analysis, but it can also be a derailment tool. Imagine the following situation. You are having lunch with one of your colleagues. She starts to tell you about a trip she recently took and all the fun things she did. In the middle of the story, she tells you that she spent some time with Alisha, a mutual friend. Listening to this, you jumped in and said, “How is Alisha doing?” just like that, the entire focus shifts from your colleague’s trip to Alisha and her life. This is something that you probably can relate to. A lot of times, the question you ask takes the conversation to a different tangent. Sometimes we manage to get the conversation back, and many times it just jumps from one topic to another.
6. Mind your Body Language
You can figure out if someone is disinterested, disengaged, or gloomy by merely taking notes of their behavior, gestures, and even posture. Look out for the following cues and behaviors:
- Arms crossed in front of the body
- Minimal or no expressions on the face
- Constantly staring at something or even blank space
- The body turned to the other side
Just being aware of these signs can help you go a long way in having small talks. It can help you calibrate your thoughts better before you say something to someone. You can make the other person feel receptive and special by showing that you understand their viewpoint.