I have come a long way in the past couple of years because of just one single habit of putting myself first. Instead of making sacrifices all the time and succumbing to other people’s needs, I started to look at myself first. I observed that people want things to fall in places for them without having them move even a finger. In case you fail to provide what they want, they throw all sorts of tantrums.
Do you have a count of all the occasions when you went out for a party/ event that you did not intend to? We are often scared to say a flat “no.” Learning to turn down other people’s requests is an essential life skill. As human beings, we are social creatures. We strive on reciprocation and hate to put ourselves at places where we come across as confrontational. We find it much easier to fall in line with what others say and not assert what we actually want. To actually put yourself first, you need to follow the below-mentioned principles closely.
3 Important principle to remember
1. Prioritize
It is essential to understand what prioritization actually means. It is not ignoring other people or their needs. Prioritization, in this case, is about setting aside what is important for you and then interplaying a balance between taking care of yourself and others. It may seem fulfilling when you are putting your needs aside and doing things for others. Maybe you will have to walk that extra mile almost every day to fulfill the expectations that you have set for people. You need to imbibe this one thing over other things. Plan your day around your goals and not your goals around your day. No one will ever know if you are making your goals rotate around your day or the other way round. It is you who needs to be honest with yourself.
The following steps can help you in prioritizing what you want:
- Plan your day (maybe a night before)
- Try and have a positive start to the day
- Do not stop until the things you planned for yourself are behind you. It is easy to push things to the next day, but you invite yourself into a vicious cycle.
2. Learn to say ‘no’
Most people make mistakes when they overestimate their potential. They take up voluntary projects and tasks without paying heed because they already have their hands full. From a distance, it may seem right that you are taking the initiative and taking up tasks while pleasing people by not saying ‘no.’ This can sometimes fall back on the person. Take my word and actively try to say “no” to trivial things and not aligned to your goals. See and wait for just 7 days, if there are any consequences like casualties or someone losing their life because you said ‘No.’ After these 7 days, trust me, you will find it much easier to define the request that comes your way.
3. Remember your “why”
Never see anything in isolation. Remember why you want to achieve what you want to achieve? This is often referred to as a “BIG WHY.” Identifying and determining the WHY is a big step towards breaking inertia. Once you break the inertia, you can work towards your goals and take full action.
This step doesn’t just end on the identification of “WHY.” Once you have found your “why,” you need to understand it deeper, and if you have the very reason for having a goal set in place, it will help you commit to it fully. There are better chances you will utilize the time, efforts, and other resources way more judicially after you have identified your “why.” Also, when you have a clear ‘why,’ you are better able to see the challenges that can hold you back. You can write each of the challenges and write what you can do to tackle those challenges. Eventually, it all boils down to you reaching your end goal and the bunch of people you want to celebrate with.
Importance of Self-Care
It is undeniable that most of us have a strong urge to help other people, especially if they are close to us. Be a rock for them or give them a shoulder to cry on. You know that you need to look after yourself, but it often takes the back seat. In a lot of cases, you will find yourself on the giving end until you are drained. There will be a time when you won’t be able to recognize yourself. In this article, we will try and answer the following three questions:
- Why is self-care important?
- Why do you need to put yourself before others?
- How can you prioritize yourself over others?
Before we answer this question, it is essential to look at self-care and be self-centered as two different things, with just a thin line separating the two. There is a need to strike the right balance.
Taking care of yourself is releasing the fact that you are important and your needs should not be ignored. Or in other words, it is like helping others by helping yourself first. The truth is that people will need us round the clock, but most important is that you also need you.
If you are still stuck with the thought if self-care is really important or not, let’s clear it once and for all. The effect of it on you will be life-affirming and nothing less than magical. The following are the 3 most important reasons for prioritizing taking your own care over others.
It makes you more productive
What makes you more productive is dependent on what you think is important for yourself. Taking care of yourself enables you to bring the focus you need to accomplish what you want. It further lets you channelize your energy in the right direction.
I am sure you must think of the goals you wanted to achieve or trips you wanted to take, but you never got time. It is important to put yourself and your goals on the priority.
Helps improve your physical health
There are two types of reflex actions: Sympathetic and para-sympathetic reflex action. Typically, the sympathetic reflexes are responsible for acting when emergencies or what we call a “fight or flight” response. A plethora of research shows that stressing too much can cause the body to react with the sympathetic reflex action. Under this reaction, our body responds by secreting hormones like epinephrine (adrenaline). This hormone causes our body to undergo some changes. It prepares our body for increasing blood pressure by dilating the blood vessels. A prolonged response like this can cause serious problems to our physical health and deteriorate our immune system.
Conversely, if you are relaxed and at peace, your body responds with para-sympathetic reflex action. It makes you feel relaxed, refreshed and rather gives a boost to your immune system. Therefore, when you learn to take off the burden of other people’s problems from your own shoulder, you will find to deploy your sympathetic system less often, which is good for both your mental and physical health.
Boosts your self-esteem
If you start prioritizing yourself, you will eventually get time to do things you want to do. This has a reaction on our brain, which leads to the secretion of endorphins that lifts our self-worth and confidence. Alongside this, it fuels you to rediscover what you want in life (the values) and realize your passion. It is high time you decide to collect yourself and take the right direction to discover your real self.
Importance of putting yourself first (as a woman)
If you are a woman, it is exponentially important to learn to put your own needs before others. The world we are currently a part of celebrates and glorifies women giving up/ sacrificing dreams and goals to make others happy. Women are often told, right from formative years, how they should prioritize others’ needs over their own. This is ingrained into the minds of everyone (especially women) in the name of maternal instinct and whatnot. Owing to it, you will find proponents who will tell you that women are “giving in nature” by birth, and they are bigger individuals who can easily make sacrifices.
Therefore, it all boils down to simply acknowledging and acting against the very narrative around being “giving by nature” or “putting others before.” It is imperative to unlearn all the things that society tells you and then re-learn what is right.
Why do you need to put yourself over others?
If I ask you if you take care of yourself, you might say yes. But if asked how do you take care and in what ways, you probably will not have an answer for this. That is exactly where the problem is; we are so much involved with things around that we have forgotten the meaning of putting ourselves over others. When I say that putting ourselves over others, I do not mean ignoring the others around us. It means to safeguard our rights, dreams, even our identity in every situation. In the heed to fulfill and run for others, we tend to forget the importance of self-care.
Self-care is something that you do willingly to take care of your physical health and your mental and emotional health. It’s the best key to have a balanced life. It’s not always sacrificing yourself for others; it’s also about looking up for your own self. Self-care doesn’t mean always preferring about yourself; it means being aware of your own needs. If you start to self-care, you will be able to sort things easily and help others.
Tips to look after yourself Physically and Mentally
Physical care
We perpetually fail to take time out for exercise and blame it on how our busy schedule. But have you ever noticed how many hours you give scrolling down your Instagram feeds or wasting time playing games on your smartphone?
Practicing physical care is not at all difficult, it’s just about giving time to your body. There are a plethora of benefits as it will help you reduce stress, put you in a better mood, makes your bones stronger, and may other things. If you only give 30 minutes to this, you will see the change in yourself and feel good.
Mental care
Mental care means freshening your mind, pursuing what you like or feel like doing. Giving personal time and giving a break from the burden of work, anxiety, and depression. This will help you focus on your work, understand things in a better way, and you will be able to make your decision with a calm mind.
1. Unhand terror
You usually tend to sit in your comfort zones and prefer no changes in your life because of fear, anxiety, or stress. Pull yourself out of the comfort zone and let go of the fear. In the future, fear will not make you happy but will create a problem and might give you stress or discomfort.
2. Stop daunting yourself
Worrying about things will not never make you happy. You need to give yourself some peace and relax your mind. For instance, you can start to meditate or go for a walk, feel the nature around you. Think about those happy moments you spend with your loved ones. Instead of worrying about the things you cannot control, try to spend your energy on making you successful.
3. Be your own identity
The people in this world are fake-feigned. They will do these which won’t benefit you. Society will look upon themselves, so you need to care about yourself. Don’t be the edited version. Make your own personality. Think that you are alone in this world, so do things your own way.