Difficult conversations spare no one, regardless of how much we dread being a part of one. These are the type of conversations in which we are expected to deliver or discuss unpleasant news, bring forward delicate subjects, or are expected to talk about something which needs to change. A mere thought of having such kind of conversations with your parents, partner, or children (especially in their adolescent or adulthood), friends, and relatives can fill you up with stress and anxiety. The feeling of trepidation can fill take up space in your mind and distract you from other stuff that may require your undivided attention.
People are often apprehensive about how the conversation may pan out. Because conversations like these brings discomfort and can precipitate conflict. It is normal to want to avoid having such conversations in the first place. The problem with most of such topics is that if it is not talked about, by putting it off it only gets worse.
Tips for handling difficult conversation better
Make sure there is no interruption
Whenever you are about to have a conversation make sure you do it at a place that is conducive for it. Place where there is no scope of interruption. Considering the environment is taken care of, make sure you also do not interrupt the other person when they are speaking. Make sure you make up your mind to listen. If you are waiting for the other person to stop and waiting for your turn to speak, know that you are not listening.
Seek clarity
It is very important to look for clarity in the conversation you are having. Most of the time, the topic of discussion is overwhelming that we often go haywire. Stick to the matter. If you are not clear with what the other person is saying, make sure you ask them to repeat. Or just simply saying things like “I am unable to follow you on that” or “Could you make me better understand?”
Stay open
Your approach in such conversations or times should be of problem solving and not coming across as “the right one”. That can be done if you keep yourself open and focus towards resolution. When you are in the competition to be right, know that you are making someone else wrong. Such an approach of win/loss, either/or and, right/wrong will take you nowhere. It will make matter even worse for you leaving no scope of mutual understanding.
Take responsibility
Take responsibility of your feeling. Know that no one can make you feel anything specific. So. make sure that you don’t blame the other person for how you feel. Try speaking in the “I” language. Use statements like “I feel…” and be clear with what you say and in what ways can it be perceived. Rather than saying “You make angry” focus on the other person’s behaviors.
Drop your assumptions
This is a common thing that people fail to understand. Just because you have been working with someone or living with them, you start to feel that you know them fully. Know that you can not be sure of what the other is feeling or thinking. People grow with time, therefore, you should not have assumptions towards them. Your expectations, needs, and wants are things which should be talked about more often and also negotiated with passing time
Treat the other person with respect
Difficult conversations can not be handled by every person easily. In most instances, you and the person you are having a difficult conversation are on the edge of your feeling and emotions. This is the critical point because you are a step away from a potentially ugly scene. Therefore always remember the following tips:
- Never talk to the person concerned indirectly, use the head-on approach, and be as clear as you can.
- Avoid doing the blame game or finger-pointing (even literal finger-pointing), this makes the other person as if they are being sermonized by you.
- Speak as calmly as possible and be mindful of the tone in which you speak. This increases the possibility of other people listening to what you actually have to say. It is crucial otherwise people have a tendency to fixate on tone or emotions.
- Refrain from calling names, shouting, screaming, showing the other person down or insulting. It is important that you do not indulge in any of these if you want to have a healthy conversation.