Empathy is like a universal solvent. Any problem immersed in empathy becomes soluble.
Simon Baron Cohen
Empathy is one mighty skill that can help you revolutionize your productivity, people skills and help you resolve all conflicts possible. If put simply, it understands other people’s emotions in a particular setting. Empathy in the workplace is a key attribute that can determine your overall success. A person with empathy has a very high likelihood of getting along with colleagues and even clients.
In the status quo, our system is designed not to give due importance to interpersonal skills. We focus mainly on acquiring technical skills and end up feeling confident about the same. Many people feel extremely conscious when it comes to discussing interpersonal issues. In the following part of this article, we will focus on what empathy truly means, how you can help build an open culture of honesty at your workplace. We will also look at how it can impact and bring about positive change. This way, you will be able to make a tangible difference at your workplace.
What is Empathy?
If I put it in the easiest possible way, empathy is nothing but the ability to recognize emotions in people around you. This can help you understand people from others’ perspectives and enable you to look at things from different lenses. It equips you to gauge what is going inside people so that you can act accordingly and support them when they really need you.
If you feel sad when someone tells you a sad story, happy when someone expresses joy, fearful when you are described as fear, or feel excited when you are told great news, and you can communicate all of it through your facial expression and words. Take it from me. You are already an empathetic listener.
Know for a fact that empathy is the soul of any effective conversation. It involves you to put yourself into the other person’s place and feel what the other person feels in the moment, which is not an easy thing to do. It involves a high level of concentration and patience.
Empathy v. Sympathy
These two things, empathy, and sympathy are often confused, despite being two separate things altogether. Sympathy is a feeling of concern that you show when you sense that they are deprived of something or feel that they could be happier. On the other hand, empathy is a little broader concept that involves sharing perspective and emotions with others.
For example, you will probably feel sympathetic when you see someone unfortunate in the metro. You do not know that person at all, and you do not know what the circumstances they are going through are. Therefore, sympathy can be turned into empathy, but it doesn’t always happen.
Stages of Empathy
Empathy is one key component of Emotional Intelligence. It develops through three stages, which are described right below:
Cognitive Empathy
It is the ability of an individual to know what the other person might be thinking. It is not necessary to share an emotional bond with the person to know how they are feeling. This is pretty useful, especially if you are a manager. You can use cognitive empathy to understand the collective sentiment of your team members. You can pick the type of leadership you think is suitable to get the best out of them. Similarly, if you are a sales executive, you can choose the tone of the conversation based on the customer’s mood.
Cognitive empathy is an emotionally neutral ability, which means that some people use it for negative purposes. Some may use emotional empathy to manipulate emotionally vulnerable people.
Emotional Empathy
It is the ability to share and realize the feeling of another person and to be able to know and understand that every individual on a deeper level. Emotional empathy is also called “affective empathy” because it affects you. It does not just know the other person. To feel what the other person feels, you need to build a genuine rapport.
For a lot of people out there, this kind of empathy can be a little overwhelming. There are high chances that people with high emotional empathy can get immersed in others’ feelings, pain, and problems. A lot of time, this can damage the sanity and mental/ emotional well-being of others. This is more likely to happen when the other person cannot help or resolve a situation. This is called ‘Generosity Burnout,’ and you can very well avoid it. You may take breaks, check your boundaries, and work on your abilities to cope in demanding roles.
Leaders need to have some level of emotional empathy. It enables the leader to build and develop trust with the team members and develop honesty and openness.
Compassionate Empathy
Compassionate empathy is the most active form of empathy. It involves taking practical, actionable steps and having concern for the other person or sharing the other person’s pain.
For example, imagine someone from your team is outraged and upset because they did a poor job while presenting an important presentation. It is essential to acknowledge the fact that they are hurt. Also, it is important to affirm their reaction by showing clear signs of those feelings yourself. But the best thing would be to extend your support. You may set aside some time for them and provide your valuable guidance. Help them get through the situation and prepare them for the next time.
Developing empathy in the workplace
Developing empathy is not a very simple task, and it requires pure intention. It is absolutely okay to be a little wary of making yourself emotionally available for others. But do not get disheartened or lose willingness. Know that you will get better at it with time.
To be able to empathize with others, you need to set aside your own preconceived notions actively. Stay open to others’ perspectives and viewpoints to be actually able to see or feel things from the perspective of the other person. This way, you will be actually able to see through what seemed over-emotional, dramatic, stubborn at first sight. Practice the following mentioned techniques to empathize with people better and even develop a deeper bond with them.
1. Effective Listening
When you are stressed and communicating difficult news, it is often important to listen to what people have to say or the person in question. You need to realize how important it is to take a step back, relax, and listen. It is imperative to pay heed to the feelings and emotions of the other person. You must reflect and demonstrate that you are listening. In certain scenarios, it is best if you let people take questions.
We human beings have this inherent need to be heard, and we tend to forget it while conveys difficult news. It is super frustrating when we feel that there is no one to listen to us. Kids scream about it, teenagers act fanatically, families break down, and even big organizations collapse. The biggest reason difficult communications fail is that listening is not given due importance. People generally do not think of listening as something that needs practice or something that we need to learn.
2. Be attentive
Stay attentive to understand fully what the other person is trying to tell you. Pay special attention to certain few keywords and phrases you think are being repeated in the conversation.
Mentally try and phase out all the distractions from the surrounding, which can potentially put you off. Also, try and not pay a lot of attention to the texture of voice, accent, and even mannerism of the speaker to the point that it bothers you or distracts you. Lastly, keep your emotions, feeling, and thoughts in check as you speak. Do not argue with what is being said or dispute if you find some facts wrong at this stage. Be prepared if the conversations change directions with the feelings and thoughts of the other person.
3. Focus on body language
You can figure out if someone is disinterested, disengaged, or gloomy by merely taking notes of their behavior, gestures, and even posture. Look out for the following cues and behaviors:
- Arms crossed in front of the body
- Minimal or no expressions on the face
- Constantly staring at something or even blank space
- The body turned to the other side
Just being aware of these signs can help you go a long way. It can help you calibrate your thoughts better before you say something to someone. You can make the other person feel receptive and special by showing that you understand their viewpoint.
4. Open Mind
A lot of people fail terribly in keeping their minds open. You need to listen to the other person without passing any judgment whatsoever. Not criticizing them (even mentally) when they are sharing something with you. If you feel alarmed, do not show it right away. If you indulge in it, you most certainly are compromising your effectiveness as an active listener.
Secondly, listen but do not jump to a conclusion. Often, people struggle to communicate exactly what they have in their heads while they speak. You will never know what is in the mind of the people you talk to, and there is just one way, i.e., listening.
Lastly, do not try and finish other people’s sentences. It isn’t polite if you do it repeatedly. People think at their own pace and speak accordingly. If you hastily finish other people’s sentences, it will accomplish absolutely nothing except throwing them off.
5. Visualise
Try and create mental maps of the information being shared with or visualize the information. It can be a literal picture in your mind or a flow diagram to remember what is being said to you. Your brain will automatically translate the words into pictures when fully alert and will help you retain information for long periods of time. When listening for a long period of time, focus on keywords and phrases.
Another important thing to remember while in any conversation is not thinking of your response when you are listening. You can’t rehearse and listen simultaneously. When you are listening, listen. Often, the information we are listening to is boring but makes it a point not to lose concentration, and if your brain starts to wander, try and bring it back to focus.
6. Pay heed to others perspective
There is a very common saying, “Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes.” It is about examining your attitude and, as mentioned before, keeping an open mind. It is about “seeing” what others see and believe before you act on your assumptions. Please do not conflate it with agreeing to whatever the person is saying. Just know that when it is not the time for debate. You must be open to others’ perspectives so that it leaves space for empathy.
When in doubt, make sure you ask the right questions and gain clarity. It will help you get the right information to solve issues and understand the other person. Asking questions is the simplest way to get to know and develop empathy.
7. Take Actions
There is no one monolithic guide as to how you can act to be empathetic. It all depends on the situation and the dominant attitude. Just remember that being empathetic is not about what you want; it is about what the other person wants. You must realize empathy is not just for crises. Empathy helps you look at things from a wide adaptive lens is a great thing in itself. It is just a small act or even a gesture from your end that can brighten up anyone’s day.