Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.
Dale Caregie
There is no debate about criticism being a hard pill to swallow for everyone, and it can potentially denigrate your morale. Criticism can be in two forms essentially, constructive feedback or a negative comment. Although it just feels wrong, the truth is that you can learn a lot from the criticism you get from people. It all depends on how you choose to react. You can use the criticism directed at you in a positive way to improve or in a negative way to lower your self-esteem, bring anger, etc.
Let’s say you have worked hard for a year now, accomplished all you set professional goals for this year. Things are going smoothly so far, you can meet your targets, and your morale is high. At your annual review, the hammer drops on you. In the one to one review meeting with your boss, you are told that your work has not been up to the mark. Despite all the visible indicators, your boss has put you on a hot seat and has told you that your work is disappointing. What would you do now? How will you react to something that can have an impact on your overall career? One thing is clear that it will bring about emotional turmoil in you, and acting on your instincts would not be the best thing to do. So now what?
Type of Criticism
When challenged by another person, it is natural to have negative thoughts, but the decision to act on those thoughts has a bearing on what you want to make of your life. It is better to identify ways to benefit from criticism and use it to your advantage. It will make you a better and a more able person. Learning the types of criticism will help you identify the difference between criticisms that you may receive:
Constructive criticism
This type of criticism is relatively easier to accept. Constructive criticism highlights your mistake and also shows how improvements can be made. It would help if you looked at it as useful feedback for your personal good rather than seeing it as a downfall. Whatever criticism may be, in either scenario, try to look for what is in it for you to improve and use for your advantage.
Destructive Criticism
All sorts of criticism make you uncomfortable and challenge your ideas and identity. It often hurts the pride and can negatively affect your self-worth, self-image, and confidence. It can be directed towards you out of the thoughtlessness of someone. It can also be a deliberate attempt to gaslight with malicious and hurtful intent. All of it may induce anger and other negative behavior in you.
Dealing with Critical People
Some people have this habit of critically commenting on things without realizing the consequences. They do not see the fact that they may be hurting the other person. If you know that someone has a nature of this sort, try and not to take their comments seriously. If you do, it will just break your heart and demotivate you in general. It can even lead to the development of resentment towards the person and damage your relationship.
You should not forget that people who pass negative comments to be hurtful are the ones who need help and not you. Also, never act on your instincts by acting in anger or frustration. It can make things worse for you and can be creating a bad image. Keep yourself calm and composed through all this. It will save you a lot of unforeseeable unnecessary problems. Treat all people with respect and try to diffuse the situation to not get out of hand. If you also play the same game, you will do your hands dirty by starting arguments.
If you strongly think that situation is getting worse and you are on the verge of losing your control, walk away. It can also be at your workplace. In that case, excuse yourself out of the room and go back after you have gathered yourself. Although it is detrimental to pass negative remarks, it is worse to let them affect your self-esteem and confidence.
Ways to handle negative criticism
1.Know the type of feedback you are receiving
It is essential to know whether the feedback is constructive or destructive. Is it hurtful or to help you or make you grow? Refrain from going with your first natural reaction. Often the first reaction that criticism elicits is anger and aggression. Learn to take a step backward and try to look from a wider perspective. More often than not, people’s remarks and judgments can help us see things about ourselves which we are unaware of. Therefore, it is essential to know where the criticism is coming from.
Suppose the criticism coming towards you is from a teacher or your parents meant to make you feel better. It can also be from some jealous person who has intentions to hurt you. So before you decide on anything, knowing the difference is the key.
2. Search for the truth
One thing you should not compromise is honesty, especially when it is for your own good. Be honest with yourself and see if there is any good in the criticism you have received. Are you able to link the said remarks to reality? Were you really at fault in the past? Do you feel there is a need for improvement from your side in some areas? Is it being said to you by someone else as well?
If you are receiving some criticism from more than one individual, the chances are its constructive criticism. Always remember that critiques with good intentions for you will want nothing but you to improve. Reflect on such criticism and avoid making the same mistake again and again. If you remember this, then criticism for you is nothing less than a blessing.
3. Learn to accept that you are not perfect
We sure feel bad when we hear someone criticize, but you need to look at the larger picture. We all are humans, and humans make mistakes. If you are constantly getting constructive feedback, consider yourself lucky. It shows that you need improvement, and it is a great thing in the long run. Get a fact straight that you do not have to be liked by everyone. It is absolutely normal to be that way. People often start to defend themselves and begin to make random excuses. It is wiser to listen to what people have to say, accept where you were wrong. This is how you embark on the journey of constant learning and becoming better. Of all the things, it is most important not to make the same mistakes again and again.
4. Refrain from responding in the same moment
This one is in continuation of the previous point. When someone points out something wrong in your work or, let’s say, your attitude, do not act on it. The general reaction could of anger and aggression. Remember that anger clouds your judgment and even compromise your rationality at that moment. Decisions made in anger or some other form of extreme emotions do not make things better. Maybe the person is giving you valuable, constructive criticism. It happens that not a lot of people have amazing delivery when it comes to criticizing. Even most of the constructive feedback are coated as if they are bad.
The ideal way to deal with this situation is to take a step back. Cooldown and try to rationalize things. Think of the criticism when not in a hurry. When you are calm and relaxed, your mind functions better. When relaxed, thinking will let you see things in an all-new way that you would have missed in aggression.
5. Never take Criticism Personally
A lot of people make this huge mistake of taking criticism personally. Everyone aims to do their work diligently and with the utmost care and hold it close to their hearts. When someone passes a criticism of your work, you tend to flip. Please keep in mind if it is constructive feedback about you and not on your overall personality or anything like that. Learn to look at it as guidance and not as anything else.
Sometimes it is the other person with sheer toxic tendencies. Such people have their own issues that they are not able to cope with. They tend to manifest it in many ways. It could be a display of anger or jealousy, and in reality, it is the suffering, not you.
6. Grow a thick skin
When most people are operating virtually in the current status quo, getting under some’s skin has become easier. People behind those devices through social media or some other channel can easily start bashing you for no reason at all. These sort of people think that they are immune since they operate from a safe distance. These are the same set of individuals who derive gratification in making others feel bad. You may be a saint, but there will be someone out there who will have no purpose but to make you feel bad.
The only question that you need to ask yourself is that, was it your fault? If the answer is a ‘No.’ It would be best if you stopped taking everything too seriously. You need to develop an emotional armor around yourself.
7. Know how to deal with trolls
Many people on the internet are just there for the sole purpose of hurting others and deriving gratification from it. Criticism coming from such people can never be legitimate or even personal, for that matter. It exists to get some reaction out of you. You can block them or ignore them. Once they know that you will not play their game, they will leave you to yourself.
Also, the moment you recognize the other person’s intention, there is no point feeling even a little bad about yourself or anything. Just focus on your goals and do not pay any heed whatsoever.
8. Discount the destructive criticism
The sole reason for people to give destructive criticism is to harm you or hamper your sanity. If you know that the criticism coming your way is just a way to make you feel bad or elicit a reaction from you, do not react. Such people want to see you feel bad, angry, and frustrated. Since you can not administer their behavior, you sure can control your response. That is all they need from you.
It largely depends on what scope you give others to harm you. If you can stay put and respond calmly, there is no way someone can tangibly or intangibly harm you. If you do not respond to such people whose only goal is to make you feel bad, you will instead make them feel agitated. This might stop them from coming after you once and for all.
Conclusion
It is pretty natural to make a strong move to unjust criticism, but it is not seen as a wise thing. You need to come in agreement with the fact that the way you react is the most important thing.
Learn to look at this from a wider perspective, manage the immediate situation by staying calm and composed. Please make sure you seek clarification at places where it is important, making you understand different perspectives. It is important to develop an affinity for constructive criticism. It is an essential life skill to make out the difference between constructive and destructive criticism. It will give you the right information f what is good or what is bad. Even show you the areas where you can improve and work towards. At the same time, never exhaust yourself with unjust criticism.
