Self-compassion is simply giving the same kindness to yourselves that we would give to others.
Christopher Germer
We all know that life is easier on good days when our “Self-esteem” is high on our overall achievements. The test is what we do when we fall. Our entire self-esteem often leaves us alone and deserted. Suddenly, our head gets surrounded by all our faults and shortcomings. We start looking down upon ourselves for our pain. We many times just abandon ourselves and start looking out for comfort in others. The only way to regain from this is through self-compassion.
Self-compassion in no way is a waste of time and energy. Rather, it is one of the best things you can do for yourself. Treating yourself in the right way enables you to be self-sufficient for the happiness you deserve and keeps you more organized in life. Therefore, you are able to offer more to other people as well.
Following are a few questions you can ask yourself that will help you be kinder to yourself, the way you are to others out there. I am positive that it will add more self-love in your life and give you all the kindness and compassion you really deserve:
What do I need?
This is just to reflect that almost all of us out there are not very good at answering this question especially when we are under some threat. If you are unable to identify your needs, you can ask yourself the next question
What do I do to care for myself already?
Mull over all the things that you do for your own self on a sunny day (Good days). It could be exercising, cooking yourself healthy meals, listening to music. Try to do just the same things in your life on a rainy day (difficult times)
You can do this mental practice by alienating your inner self and look at it from some distance.
How would I treat a friend a dear friend in a difficult situation and what would I say to him?
It is imperative that you isolate yourself and see things from a distance when you think you lack self-compassion.
Remember the tone of our voice towards our friend (and ourselves) should be all kind and warm that would reflect how much you care for the person (and ourselves). There is no one way of being compassionate with yourself. Every situation may need different ways of being compassionate. For example, you can comfort yourself with caring gestures and words, it could be by putting your hand on your heart like you would pat a friend’s back. You can soothe yourself by taking a nap or practicing mindfulness exercises. Another way to do it is by simply acknowledging your struggle (I know things are not easy right now).
“WHY” do you need to be compassionate towards yourself?
The most important part of being kind to yourself is to know the answer to “WHY”. Imagine yourself lying awake on your bed late at night, failing to sleep. Your heart is pounding because of some recent setbacks, the mind is racing with all the self-doubt and criticism. At that point you remember to be compassionate to yourself, you even put your hand on your heart for comfort. Whether or not this act of self-compassion will work is contingent on the question I asked at the beginning of this para. Why are you being compassionate to yourself? You just can not afford to lie or cheat while answering this question.
Self-compassion begins with the intention of overall kindness and not as a tool to manipulate our emotions in order to feel better when in a miserable state, or not a means to fix your pain. Imagine a mother with bleary eyes cradling her sick child in her arms. There is nothing strategic in her compassion, no set agenda towards her suffering child. Similarly, when it comes to our suffering we should not use it as a strategy for our personal well being.
In conclusion, never exclude yourself from the circle of eternal compassion towards your own self. In the tough times, this can prove as a lifeline and can help you resurrect from ugly mental and physical states. You deserve all the kindness.