“You are rude, You don’t have any manners.” “You look ugly. You would look more beautiful if you would have a flatter tummy etc. etc” Are these things that affect you a lot? Do they break your confidence in many little fragments? And why won’t they? After all, as stated earlier,’ man is a social animal’ Everything that he thinks, analyzes, and objectify is aggregated and influenced by the society he is living in. But, somewhere deep, isn’t it becoming a cause of our low self-esteem and self-confidence. So,
Try not to take things personally. What people say about you is a reflection, of them and not you.
Often, people make some judgments about you without any intention. Then, you take it personally and jump into some another conclusion, and here, begins the blame game. Whether it be blaming others or self-blame. Unfortunately, this all dogma leads to ‘Personalization’. Personalization is a form of self-blame.
The primary and most prevalent cause why you take things personally is that deep down, you wordlessly agree with the person who is criticizing you. It rather becomes a battle between your heart and mind. Your mind knows people have the habit of criticizing others. But, still, your heart tends to believe, yeah maybe it’s right. It’s because we are aware of our flaws, self-doubts, and vulnerabilities.
Not taking things personally gives you infinite command over the way you react, your sensations, and your energy levels. When you learn, not to take things personally. You take responsibility for your emotions and no longer depend on someone else for your happiness.
Five ways to stop taking things personally.
1. Stop thinking about, what the world thinks.
Don’t take things personally because by taking things personally you set yourself up to suffer for nothing. _ Don Ruiz.
Neither the world has to do anything with what is happening in your life nor does what happens in your life bothers the world. It’s you, who keep yourself wrenching about, ‘ What the world is thinking about me and my circumstances.’ Everyone surrounding is quite busy in their own life and has to do nothing with you.
Taking things personally is going to harm you, because, often people say things without even thinking. Without any intention in mind. Let not the world influence your life in such a tremendous way that you would forget living your own life. Think of the things you expect from your life, not about what the world expects from you.
Believe in yourself no matter what. Try believing in facts and not on myths. Whatever, flaw people see in you, are their flaws. Yeah, but that doesn’t means, ignoring the people who are advising you for your good. Thinking in a way that good advice also seems to be evil.
2. Know your worth.
You are the only person, to know yourself better personally than someone else. If you know, what you want and what actions you need to take to reach your goals. Then, for sure, other opinions won’t influence you.
Knowing our self-worth and having great self-esteem are the foundation of any successful individual. If you believe in yourself, then you do not need to win the world’s faith and approval issuance to do what you want. No trouble, if the world says you rude. You should know,’ I am protecting my dignity and self-respect.’ If the world says you ugly, you should be aware of the fact that I am beautiful and attractive the way I am. Don’t let others define you.
3. Don’t jump to conclusions too quickly.
People always make judgments based on what their life issues, circumstances, experiences, and sometimes flaws are. They are having a conversation with you in which they are indirectly telling you about their issues. But, unfortunately, you think that they are judging you and telling you your flaws.
Let, me tell you an incident that happened with me based on above context.
I was learning french. The cousin of mine said to me, “It will take so much time for you to learn french. You know it is so hard. Better you stop it or give it at least one hour a day.”
Primarily, here I was not supposed to think a lot about it. But, you know blood and flesh. Below is what I thought and what it lead to:
She said to me that it is hard for you to learn french. That means she thinks I am dumb and was not able to grasp it quickly. And conclusion,
As she thinks I am dumb and is left with only, two options. One to quit it or work so hard for it.
In the above situation, first of all, I was not supposed to think that much. I was doing very well in french by giving it only 30 minutes a day. I was being promoted to advanced stages. My french ascent was too good.
Later, I came to know that she too was learning french. But, it becomes so hard for her that she used to learn it one hour a day without any benefit. And as a result, she quit it. She was just casually advising me on her own experience and I concluded it so wrongly.
Above, is what happens with all of us.
4. Questions about your beliefs.
Scientific investigations were done on, ‘Rational emotive behavior therapy ‘By psychologist Albert Ellis claimed that a person is not influenced emotionally by what occurs around them but by their understanding of what happened. In aid, our interpretations are determined by our beliefs.
In short, whatever situation is. What you understand or what you conclude from the situation is what you believe. As, a result, what you believe is your belief.
In the above situation, as I told, I thought.
- She said to me I need more time to learn french.
- That means I cannot grasp it quickly.
- My mind is not that sharp.
- And maybe I am a dumb and slow learner.
but, that wasn’t true in any sense. Instead, I or my cousin should have questioned yourself.
- Does everyone require the same amount of time to learn a new skill or language?
- If I was not able to learn quickly, does that mean she will too require much time?
So, in the above way by just questioning our beliefs we can make complicated things simple. We can stop criticizing others and being criticized.
5. Let things go.
There is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you take nothing personally.- Don Ruiz.
Sometimes, it’s better to let things go. Just don’t give a single glance towards those things that let you down. And, it’s your choice how to let things go. By ignoring them, by not encountering them or by simply not thinking about them.
I think, letting things go is the simplest thing to do in our way. And I need not explain it much. for me, it’s an individual skill. Just remember, no one can hurt you without your permission.
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