Anjali recently received a mail from her boss, Pranav, saying that her proposal for establishing a standup committee is not going to get accepted. She did not understand how her proposal could possibly get rejected. A couple of weeks back when she was in a meeting wither her boss, he did not say anything negative about her proposal. Although, he was avoiding eye contact throughout and was perpetually looking out of the window. She thought that is because of upsets in his personal life. She clearly remembered her boss saying “your proposal seems interesting and should get a green flag. “
If Anjali knew how to read non-verbal cues and understood basic body language, she would have known that Pranav was not sold by her idea. In the following article, we will learn about body language. How can we interpret it and understand people in a better way and take our communication skills to a next level altogether?
What is Body Language?
It is a little difficult thing to explain. If put simply, it is that part of communication that is not spoken but reveals emotions, feelings, and certain other elements. It includes things like our facial expressions, hand gestures, and even postures.
If you are able to read these signs, you can use them to your advantage. It will help you get the entire message and capture emotions and feelings that are not put out in the conversation. It makes us more receptive to the expressions of people when we say or do something. With the knowledge of body language, you can always enhance and improve your own body language to come across as positive and approachable.
Before you begin with your communication it is extremely important to know your message is clear with what you have to say through it. We often send mixed messages without realizing it. A mixed message is like tossing balls in two opposite directions. Worst of all is that you expect the recipient to get the right one.
For example, if someone says that they are fine but their body language says that they are upset, then what are they really conveying? what should the recipient do about it? Should the recipient go away, give space, move toward, or ask another question?
Reading negative body language
It is important that you be pick up negative emotions, body language, and feelings that are not spoken in general. In this part of the article, you will learn how to read all the negative issues and bad things along with some very common cues that you can look out for.
Difficult conversations
Difficult conversations are an inevitable part of everyone’s life both at the workplace and at home. This is the type of conversation which makes us really uncomfortable. You, more often than not, will find yourselves dodging from being part of any difficult conversation. The fact is that you have to deal with it, maybe while signing a contract with your vendor or client, dealing with a hostile customer, or while giving someone feedback after they have given a poor performance at work.
In an ideal situation, you can deal with all the aforementioned situation calmly without a problem. But, quite often they are convoluted by feelings of nervousness, stress, jealousy, and anger. No matter how much you try to conceal or hide it, these feelings get to the surface. These get reflected by your body language and it applies to every other person.
You can figure out if someone is disinterested, disengaged, or gloomy by merely taking notes of their behavior, gestures, and even posture. Look out for the following cues and behaviors:
- Arms crossed in front of the body
- Minimal or no expressions on the face
- Constantly staring at something or even blank space
- The body turned to the other side
Just being aware of these signs can help you go a long way. It can help you calibrate your thoughts better before you say something to someone. You can make the other person feel receptive and special by showing that you understand their viewpoint.
Identifying disengaged audience
Imagine a situation where you are giving a presentation to an audience of approximately 100 people. After you were done with the presentation, you were pleased with your performance. There were no interruptions and nobody cross-questioned anything. But, in reality, most of your audience was not engaged while you were presenting. Here are some common signs which can show that maybe your audience is bored and not interested in what you have to say:
- Not sitting straight or sitting in a sliding/ stump manner
- Gazing at the ceiling or the floor
- Picking at clothes
- Fidgeting with a pencil or other stationery items
- Doodling
Now when you see your audience and if you find them doing anything from the above-mentioned points. You will know that they are falling out or disengaged. This way you will be in a much better place to something about it. You can make them participate by taking a small quiz or start a small game. Or you can direct the question to the person you think is losing interest.
Projecting Positive Body Language
Learning to project positive body language is helpful in many ways. It brings additional strength to the verbal message that you intend to communicate. Often, the thought or ideas we are trying to convey are mixed and have confusing signals. In this part of the blog, we will see how we can display positive body language and help us be more confident and reflect on our openness.
Give importance to First Impressions
There is no debate on the issue that first impressions matter A LOT! and as the name suggests, you only get one shot at it. You either make it or you don’t. Although there is no study that unequivocally concludes a set time, an average person takes to impress someone. But all the studies agree that you have less than 30 seconds to create a great impression. You got to pack a lot in such a brief time in order to create a good impression.
These are some really easy to follow body language tips that can help you make a great first impression:
1. Keep an open posture:
You should try and feel as relaxed as you can but do not slouch. There are some basic things that you should always follow like standing and sitting upright and not stoop while you talk. You should also refrain from having your hands on your hips. Doing so can make you appear larger which can be perceived as if you are being aggressive or dominating.
2. Shake hands firmly:
Whenever you are shaking hands with someone, have a firm grip. But the catch is that you should not get carried away with it. I am sure, you obviously do not want to make it awkward for yourself and for the other person. Remember not to grip tightly that it becomes painful, if it does, you will be perceived as a rude or dominating person.
3. Good eye contact
This one is a little difficult because they are high chances things can go wrong. It is about trying to hold the gaze of the other person from time to time. Do not stare into the eyes for very long that it gets scary for the other person. Make sure you blink your eyes in a normal fashion.
4. Try to not touch your face
People who touch their faces very often come across as underconfident. Also, there is another common perception that people touch their face frequently when they are being dishonest. However, this is not something that you should use to base your judgment. Yet it is best you should avoid fiddling with your hair or touching your mouth or nose, while you are talking. You never know maybe the person sitting across from you may be judging you based on these gestures.
Public Speaking
One thing that people fear about Public Speaking is that they do not think they can handle their nerves in front of a huge audience. The thought of engaging people can be a little intimidating when you speak in public. Positive Body language can help you hold yourself better and calm your nerves. Here are some tips that you should consider:
1. Open hand gestures
Spread your hands a bit apart from each other with your palms facing slightly towards your audience. It portrays that you are willing to communicate and share ideas. Make sure you are not overexpressing with your hands going too far from your body. It can be rather more distracting as people will start to focus on their hands over anything else. Therefore, keep your arms close to your body.
2. Positive posture
Sit and stand straight and do not slouch. Keep your shoulders back and arms at your sides or in front but not folded. Do not put your hands in the pocket, this is often construed to be rude or showing disinterest.
If you happen to notice that you are losing the audience of your grip, try to lean forward towards them. Make them feel you want to listen to them and take them in your confidence. It will help you gain their attention back.
3. Practice your posture
Practice is the key to a perfect presentation. Remember it is not just the script or your slides that you have to practice. You should practice your body language that you are going to put in front of your audience. Stay relaxed with your weight equally on both of your legs. Try and keep one foot a bit ahead of the other, this will make you look a little natural and help you maintain the posture.
4. Interviews and Negotiation
Positive body language in an interview or negotiation is of paramount importance. It can help you keep your calm and put your best foot forward in an interview. Also, it will have your emotions contained to a threshold so that your potential does not run high. Here are some tips using which you can be open and mitigate the tension in the air:
5. Use subtle mirroring
This is a great tool if you are not entering the room with a plan. Just mirror the body language of the person against you. This will bring you on the same level and make you feel at ease. This is also a great way to build rapport. If you are not doing any hand gestures and the other person is, it could come across as rude and vice versa. See how the other person is and adapt to the situation. But please ensure that you are not mimicking all the actions. Doing so will throw the other person off and make them uncomfortable.
6. Relax your body
It is a little tough to keep calm and stay relaxed when you are in a high tension situation like an interview or appraisal meeting. But you should try and be focussed, keep your hands on your knees, and do not tap with your feet. Also, make sure you are not fidgeting or fiddling with your hair while you are in the room.
7. Show your interest
Like I mentioned before, you should not excessively touch your face or fiddle when you are communicating with someone. So, if you are asked a complex question, it is ok if you very briefly make a gesture or touch your cheek just to show that you are thinking about what is being asked. It will also show the person on the other side what you think before responding.
Final Note
You have read about general body language tips in various settings. However, it is important that you know that it does not work the same always. You have to take a lot of things into the account like the cultural background, gender, or the age of the other person in some cases. Never make vague assumptions about things based on someone’s body language. It is best to politely ask the other person and clarify if you are getting mixed signals.